I often think about Jesus on this, his day of birth or death I can never remember, and consider what he might think if he came to Earth now. He'd go on all the talk shows, he'd probably have a blog! And he'd certainly have a thing or two to say about child obesity and compulsory army service. I hope he'd clear up that thing about the Shroud of Turin too, it really intrigues me!
One thing I do know about Jesus: he would vote conservative, urge you to make a lot of money and to oppress the poor, as that makes them more likely to go to Heaven. Since you are then the reason they are going to Heaven, your cruelty is actually altruism and you, too, can go to Heaven. Listen to Jesus and do as he says.